"Haunted Silence: Unveiling Trauma Under the Bridge"

[Witnessing a murder, while sleeping under a bridge, my 2nd night homeless]

"Uhh huhh Ni**uhh you thought I wasn't gonn' find you?!" The words spewed like venom from this mans voice as I awoke to all the commotion. Being my 2nd night completely homeless, I knew from the jump I was in over my head. I had no delusions of grandeur concerning my present situation being anything other than what it was: a raging meth/heroin addict chasing the needle at whatever cost, which now meant my basic necessities of food, shelter and human contact. I didn't care. The high i got from shooting meth and heroin was good enough to provide me with enough relief to make sleeping under a bridge worth it. Talk about being in serious pain.

[183 Bridge] Anderson Lane & North Lamar in Austin TX where I witnessed a murder, my 2nd night homeless.

As I woke up I noticed two men arguing on the bottom of the landing roughly 25-30 feet from me. It became clear from all the hateful rhetoric being spewed into the night that dope fiend #1 ripped off dope fiend #2 and dope fiend #2 decided it was time for dope fiend #1 "To go see Jesus." I chuckled as I heard him say this, thinking to myself, "Lol thats a pretty good insu-" POP POP POP POP POP. Dope fiend #2 shot dope fiend #1 dead right there on the landing, under the bridge, in front of me as well as every other person sleeping. If you have never seen someone murdered right-in-front of your eyes, its safe to assume most would interpret this as being a life-changing traumatic event, in the moment. The truth is, in that moment, I felt nothing. I realized later that as humans, we are not meant to see things like that. Our brain doesn't know how to justify and process it, so it blocks it from us, it numbs us completely. Its like watching a movie knowing whats on the screen is not really happening. Later on, when we are no longer in danger, our brain attempts to make sense of what we witnessed. This is where the Life-Changing trauma comes into play. In that moment follwing the shooting, my body took over. I was watching myself from the sky. I could audibly hear myself thinking, "Ok get the fuck out of here, he saw your face, the cops are coming, bounce!" This is called fight-or-flight response where our body goes into defcon-5 survival mode where we must avoid danger, via fighting or running, at all-costs lest we die. Thankfully the assailant immediately ran thus eliminating the prospect of me having to fight for my life, so I was able to flee on foot. After I got safe distance away from the danger, I realized I had run 5 miles and I didnt have any shoes on. Somewhere during the madness, my body physically went on auto-pilot and blocked out all the pain enabling me to focus on surviving that moment. My feet were bloody, callous and torn. I felt a sense of euphoria I hadn't felt before. Imagine game 7 of the NBA Finals coupled with being in a gunfight with the taliban, giving zero fucks if you live or die. It caught me off-guard. As my brain went back to normal and the endorphins wore off, I found myself huddled up under a dumpster, crying like a baby because I was so traumatized. If you ever want to long-term fuck someone up mentally, make them witness a cold blooded murder. It will change them forever. Not to say redemption and recovery are less available to them, not at all. BUT, there is a piece of them that will die that instance. A piece of their innocence will be forever lost into the abyss of the universe. The monsters they were told aren't real as a child, will all come to life forever jading their view of humanity, exposing them to an evil that most don't believe exist. Hell of a way to spend my 2nd night homeless. I got dope though, ill get over it.