"Unmasking Addiction: S.P.E.C.T. Brain Scan Reveals Hidden Secrets"

[My experience with world renowned brain doctor Daniel Amen, and the surprising results found]

"Welcome to Atlanta where the play is play and we ride on them thangs like everyday. Big beats, hit streets, see Gangster's roaming, and parties don't stop till 8:00 in the morning(its true)." Thanks to Jermaine Dupri and a host of other popular rappers, this is the only impression I had of Atlanta Georgia, being that had I never been in my lifetime.

[Atlanta Airport] moving walkway I experienced shortly after landing. If you ever want to freak out, go drop acid then take a stroll through this section of the airport. It's trippy stuff!

I pictured a huge car show with Lamborghinis Maserati's gangster's decked out with 30 carat diamonds and lots of Shawty's (girls). It turns out Atlanta kind of sucks. If you're from there no hard feelings but I would rather go live in Lubbock than live in Atlanta. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get to the story.

At this point in my life, the only things missing from my criminal junkie resume were long-term penitentiary sentences, violent/sexual crimes against a woman or child, murder/manslaughter and my own death, as a direct result of my addiction. So as you can see- I wasn't that bad of a guy(facetious).

During my hiatus from homelessness in 2020, a brief respite from my year on the street so far, I had been living in various hotels throughout town. I reached a point where I didn't care if I lived or died, something that was quite new to me. Despite all the turmoil of my addiction in the past I always held out hope that one day I would get sober or one day I'll at least have some joy throughout my days. All that was gone, to say I was a shell of myself was the understatement of the century. Due to this, I believe my mother realized my dire situation, not that she hadn't already considered my situation dire, but there comes a time when you're a parent friend and or loved one of an addict and you realize that this could be the final lap towards the most dreaded outcome we all knew was coming but really didn't want to believe was true- overdose, suicide, death. Because of this, my mother started doing research in hopes of finding some kind of solution to my seemingly endless problems.

[Red Roof Inn] in Round Rock, TX, one of the hotels I frequently stayed during my last two months while homeless.

Being a Mental Health Professional, my Mother understands that addiction is a Mental Health brain disorder. My father is a little more old-school, and wants none of that narrative. Because of this there was a divide in my family when it came to getting help. Dad thought the clinical treatment route was stupid, Mom thought it was necessary. So usually we would meet somewhere in the middle. One thing we had not explored at this time in my addiction, was looking at my brain to see what damage was truly done hoping it would hold secrets to my future recovery. It sounds simple in theory, but it's not like we can just pull out a magnifying glass and look at it tonight. It takes specialty doctors, lots of money, and a lot of faith.

My mother discovered a world renowned doctor name Daniel Amen from Atlanta Georgia who specializes in PET brain scans, catering to high profile clients such as professional athletes, traumatic brain injured individuals, as well as a whole myriad of alcoholics and addicts like myself. The whole point of this treatment wasn't necessarily to discover something we didn't know, we already knew I had a ton of issues, it was more along the lines of having an explanation of why I act the way I act, what went wrong, and to let myself off the hook morally. As an addict, I spent years thinking I was morally deficient I was damaged I was tainted, and unfortunately was taught that in some Evangelical circles. I was taught that addiction is a moral issue and I needed to pray harder. This is a tremendous burden to carry and often compounds the problem. For me this trip would be successful if I could just know for once in my life I wasn't some kind of devilish outcast like I projected myself to be, yet indeed I was just a self medicating sick person. \

[Amen Clinics] headquarters in Atlanta GA, is a nationally recognized outpatient healthcare clinic utilizing effective brain scan techniques to better understand and diagnose your mental health. They helped diagnose my brain damaged areas, and gave me a plan to heal them as best they could.

Upon arriving at Dr. Amens office, I was whisked through cognitive test after cognitive test, PET brain scan after brain scan, blood draw after blood draw along with many more long exhausting tests which were necessary to measure my brain production as well as blood production in my brain.

Positron emission tomography(PET) is a functional imaging technique that uses radioactive substances known as radio-tracers to visualize and measure changes in metabolic processes, and in other physiological activities including blood flow, regional chemical composition, and absorption. PET is a common imaging technique used in Nuclear Medicine. A radio-pharmaceutical, a radio-isotope attached to a drug — is injected into the body as a tracer(marker). When the radio-pharmaceutical undergoes beta-plus decay, a positron is emitted, and when the positron collides with an ordinary electron, the two particles annihilate and gamma rays are emitted. These gamma rays are detected by gamma cameras to form a three-dimensional image, in a similar way that an X-ray image is captured. Fuckin-A bro, just typing those big ass pretentious words makes me wanna drink cyanide(Guyana). Laughing aside, essentially, for all us normal non-asshole big word using people, PET scans show us the parts of the brain where blood flow is poor which will help us determine why we tend to display psycho-social(slipknot) tendencies. Again, by this point in my journey I had no doubts that I indeed was inclined to behave like the Uni-bomber every once in a while, it was more of figuring out what caused this. You might say well dipshit YOU caused this from all your drug use, which is partially true. However, there was a time in my life when I was none of those things. ENTER TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY.

[Dr. Daniel Amen] founder of Amen Clinics, next to the revolutionary SPECT Brain Scan machine.

When I was slinging the tater(football) in high school, like Elway on a Sunday afternoon, it was quite common to get concussions. That's part of the game. I had a tendency to get lots of concussions, and pass out from them too, going so much as to lose consciousness from the worst one. What's interesting is each time I woke up I could completely comprehend foreign languages I previously didn't speak, and I also completely understood Women and what goes on in their heads at all times. As you can see, one thing I DIDN'T lose was my sense of humor. Each time I woke up from a concussion, the first being at 12 years old, looking back, its clear to see a part of my personality was tweaked. By the time I had my last concussion at 17, my Mother would confidently say that I was no longer the boy that she used to know. To add credence to this phenomenon, I had not started using drugs yet. I had never touched a drug in my life. However, once I endured my last concussion, swing-low sweet-chariots(Beyonce version), it was like a switch was flipped in my brain and I couldn't consume enough dope to save my life.

[SPECT Scan] which revealed significant damage to the areas of my brain which regulate impulse control, emotion, fight-or-flight, critical thinking, mostly due to head injuries from when I played football.

Upon viewing the results of my 3-day testing extravaganza, I have to say, I was- high as fuck. Yeah, I was still using meth like Lohan on spring break so I really didn't know what to think except, "Fuck are they gonna realize i' high right now(nahh bro)." Its safe to say I didn't fully appreciate the opportunity given to me. However, later on I was able to fully grasp what was before me and I was completely flabbergasted to say the least. My life story, all my pain, all my anger, all my rage, all my homicidal/suicidal tendencies were staring back at me on this piece of paper. For the first time in my addiction, I felt completely understood. It was if someone was advocating for me. It was if God was saying "hey bro, see its not all your fault," which is what I desperately needed to hear at the time. The report was as follows(Major areas of damage where there are literal holes in my brain):

[Brain Scan] that tests electrical activity. According to the Doctor's, "Your brain has been rewired and conditioned to operate in Survival Mode," which for me meant "Fight" mode everywhere I went.

1.frontal lobe- Responsible for emotional expression, inhibition control(jails, psychiatrists, homeless, violence, suicidal idealization) 2. temporal lobe- short term memory, emotion(forgot names, details of self, had violent suicidal homicidal idealization) 3. emotional area- fight or flight response(my brain was in a permanent fight-flight survival mode) 4. motor function - eye movements(my pupils were different sizes from 16 until 25) 5. parietal lobe- responsible for senses input(constant paranoia, delusions) 6. cerebral cortex- eye movement & orientation(For years I had severe dizzy spells, couldn't keep balance at all)

OK. SO, if you're one of the lucky few who I told I was going to break you're legs while burning down your house while hacking your grandmothers internet and posting fake nudes of your girlfriend all over Backpage- SEE ITS NOT MY FAULT BRO! (IM KIDDINGG GEEZ)

All of those things are absolutely my fault. I always had a choice, no matter how "stuck" I was. Though I have areas of brain damage, it is never an excuse for my volatile behavior. Today, if somehow I could legally be absolved of those choices, wiping them from existence, getting a literal do-over- I wouldn't change them. I don't want an excuse for what I did, I want to own that shit because that's where I find strength. I don't want a reason to be soft, or to "take a day off". I qualify for full-time disability due to my mental health and brain conditions, but I honestly have chosen to not even consider it, at the behest of my therapists and family, because I don't want that to define me. This is me personally, I'm not saying if you are on disability you are less than or anything at all! I just know for me, I would use this as a crutch to stay stuck.

At the end of the day, I count all these "setbacks", whether dealt to me, or dealt from me, as blessings. The Apostle Paul states that he refuses to hide from or hide his "thorns"(weaknesses) because in them is where God's power and strength are showcased. I can get down with that. I want to be able to show people where God brought me from, in hopes of helping someone else along the way. How cool is it so say, "Hey bro I have holes the size of Golf Balls in my brain yet I'm still alive and able function halfway normally!" I think that proves God HAS to be real. Its a pretty bad ass too. Hopefully Girls think it's sexy.

[Spencer Brooks Otto] 2023.