Homeless Hustle: Wal-Mart Scam

[How I supported my massive methamphetamine & heroin habit while living on the streets]

Most people who have never experienced homelessness don't realize how difficult living on the streets can be. To the untrained eye all they see are dirty, grimy, addicted, lazy folks living like hermits behind abandoned buildings and trash cans. Why would they think any different if they have never experienced it? Think about this. No money, no job, no food, no water, no restroom, no clothes, no shelter, no support system, and more times than not, a plethora of full fledged addictions that must be maintained at all costs. Yes, the majority of homeless folks choose to be homeless. However, that doesn't change the fact that it takes a tremendous amount of resourceful determination on an hourly basis, 24 hours a day, just to survive.

[Me] during the height of my homelessness, weighing in at 160 pounds, 80-90 pounds under my normal weight.

I have always said, and will always continue to say, the people who berate, demean, and minimize the homeless population, wouldn't last one day on the streets. Most people don't have the stones, much less the brain power to manifest even the most simple necessities, on a daily basis, from nothing. Imagine this. You wake up behind a trash can. You have to move before dawn so the police don't pick you up for trespassing. Ok, now where do you go? You are hungry, like any normal person, but have no money, so what do you do? Stealing only gets you so far and is not sustainable. Next, you need to use the bathroom, but no businesses will allow you in their store, where do you go? After that, you have to somehow scrape together $50 to barely acquest your drug habit lest you spiral into the hellish abyss of withdrawal, which landed you on the streets, and you have nothing in your pockets. Call me crazy, but these circumstances would sink most people before the sun comes up. But, once you have gone days without eating, either you call it quits or get exceedingly creative. I've always been a fighter, so I got creative.

Wal-Mart, in my opinion, is the epitome of the American dream. Who doesn't love one stop shopping, incredible bargains, and witnessing bizarre people from God knows where in the universe(Wal-Martians, google it). Like a well oiled machine, Wal-Mart has combined the insatiable American appetite of convenience and unnecessary spending, allowing us to live the privileged life that most people only dream of. America, hell yeah. However, as is common with most mass producing corporations, their are a few "chinks in their armor", which us homeless gladly exploited with smiles on our faces. Again, American dream.

[Shoplifting] continues to be the #1 leading cause of losses each year

Next time you grace Wally-World with your presence, do me a favor. Take a moment to scour the parking lot. You will likely see an abundance of recently discarded receipts that entitled Karen's and Chad's have callously thrown on the ground as they departed, because, this is America, someone else can clean that shit up. As the saying goes though, one man's trash is another man's treasure.

Lets face it, Wal-Mart is really easy to steal from. It's so easy that Wal-Mart has massive amounts of "loss prevention" insurance that literally reimburses them for their "losses" at the end of each fiscal season. Essentially this is their way of just "chalking it up to the game", a game that I was thrilled and honored to take part in.

Step One: Recon. Three to four times a week, I would canvas the Wal-Mart parking lot on Anderson & Burnet Lane, as well as Cameron Lane & 183 in Austin. I would find as many cash receipts as I could, sit down and begin to inspect each transaction, searching for moderately priced, relatively small items that I could stuff down my pants, in my shoes, or in my backpack. Things like foreign made sports car light bulbs, batting gloves, pretentious batteries that powered your Keurig, all items that fetched anywhere from $20-50 a pop, and were easy to transport. More times than not, as long as my persistence was in defcon-5 mode, I could usually, eventually find these items on a receipt. Step 1 complete.

[Wal-Mart] on Anderson & Burnet Lane in Austin TX, where I would carry out this scam on a weekly basis

Step 2: Time check. Wal-Mart has a sneaky rule that, in theory, is supposed to combat exactly what I was doing, or slow it down at the very least. However, many good Men before me fell victim to this rule and were kind enough to bestow their newfound wisdom upon their fellow homeless homies like myself. There is a 45 minute window from when you check out to when you attempt to reenter the store where returns are not allowed back in the store. Essentially, checking out at 10:45 AM then walking back in at 10:45 wanting to return everything you just bought would raise eyebrows from Gladys and Randy at the exit, bringing unnecessary heat on the whole operation. So, I would simply check to make sure enough time passed before attempting to walk back in. It sounds simple enough, which it is, however the first time you get caught attempting to pull this stunt, that's it you're done, so it was crucial to pay attention. Step 2 complete.

Step 3: Shopping spree. This is where the magic happens. Say I find a cash receipt that has 2 sets of children's T-ball batting gloves. I would enter the store, make a B-line for the batting gloves, remove them from the shelf, then proceed to confidently strut to the return counter like Denzel Washington in "Training Day". Yes, if you wanted to, it is quite literally possible to take something off the shelf and walk directly to the return counter. However, as I learned from others before me, it never hurt to pretend to shop further in order to deflect any possible suspicion. Most people don't realize that the key to any shady operation is to stay calm, and act like any normal person would in said given situation. If you start nervously checking every camera in the store, refuse to make eye contact with anyone, and proceed to pull your hood over your face like Ted Kaczynski, you're gonna get caught, and quite frankly you deserve to get caught. I have no sympathy for the asshole who would be home free, yet gives himself away. It's like talking to the cops, just don't do it. Step 3 complete.

[Mercedes] light bulbs, like the one's I would steal, easily fit in my pocket and fetched upwards of $50.

Step 4: . At this point, I'm rounding third base charging home plate like a bad out of hell. Victory looms on the horizon, and salvation draws near. Now, a crucial and important step in this devious plan is to ALWAYS buy something. This accomplished two things. On a practical basis, it provided me with an actual bag for my newly acquired items. It's like printing a fake doctor's note for school and forgetting to put a crease in it(everyone folds their doctor's note and puts it in their pocket), anyone who legitimately returns an item(s) has the original bag it came in. Secondly, it greatly reduces suspicion. How many times have you seen someone enter the store, linger, then leave without anything, only to return 45 minutes later with a magical array of items to return. If you can honestly say you have seen that before, my next questions are why do you have so much time on your hands, and why in the hell are you posted up watching people at Wal-Mart? Exactly, don't be that guy. So, I would buy 2 cheap donuts for a buck, wisely testing 2-3 of them first (for free obviously), to make sure they weren't laced with poison, maybe some mints if I'm feeling really lucky, pay, then leave the store for 45 minutes, and re-enter with my scavenged receipt and newly "found" items. Step 4 complete.

Step 5: Academy Award Nomination. This is the most difficult, yet most rewarding step. If Wal-Mart staff were a law enforcement agency, the return desk clerks would be the FBI, CIA, and DEA wrapped into one entity. There is not one scam they are unaware of, one person they haven't seen stealing, and are quite literally trained to spot thievery. So, this is where the subtle art of psychopathic pathological lying really pays off. The key is to be nice, but not too nice, courteous but not too courteous, slightly pissed off (who enjoys going back to Wal-Mart the same day?) and casually realistic. If you approach them talking their ear off, give them an outrageous back story, while fidgeting like a nervous tweaker, you will get jammed up, possibly arrested, and will be banned from returning. Its quite simple, be yourself, act like you are attempting a regular return transaction, sprinkle in some gratitude for their help, maybe a little flattery if you're feeling generous, thank them and leave. Simply, I would take out the item, wait for them to ask me what is wrong with the item, answer with a generic "its the wrong size" or "my Kid sucks at T-ball they wont need these anymore" (my favorite), hand them the receipt, comment on their gorgeous haircut, wait for the magic words "ok you're receiving X amount of cash back", flash a gracious smile, thank them for their help, remind them that Jesus loves them and salvation is never too far away, then leave the store. Mission accompl- oh yeah, then proceeded to take that cash and buy as much meth and heroin as you can, shooting them both into the same barely functioning vein, continuing to ruin your life, perpetuating the already revolving door of misery and sorrow. Now, mission accomplished.

There were two Wal-Mart's located in my vicinity so I would rotate back-and-forth, two to three times in a week, followed by a week or two off, at which time I would utilize any other multitude of scams in my repertoire. This scam provided me with enough money to, at the very least, keep me from going into intense withdrawals long enough to continue hustling. Although at the time I justified my actions as being fairly harmless due to the fact that Wal-Mart wasn't losing any money, they were actually gaining money from their insurance pay-outs, today I realize and admit that what I was doing was still a crime and was completely dishonest and wrong. Regardless of my situation, it's never okay to steal from anyone or any institution.

[Wal-Mart] on Cameron Rd & HW 183 in Austin TX, where I would also carry out this scam.

From the outside looking in, I can imagine most people who are reading this will scoff and condemn anyone who behaves the way I behaved. "What gives them the right to do that?" Nothing does, I admit. There is no excuse. However, I can wholeheartedly promise you from the bottom of my heart: whether you are a Pastor, a Priest, a Nun, or a full blown entitled Karen who would "never do such a thing because you are better than everyone," drastic times call for drastic measures. In theory, applying for jobs, asking for help, and praying for strength are wonderful productive ways to combat one's current homeless debacle. Unfortunately, the stark, harsh reality is this: if someone utilized all of the above, they probably wouldn't be on the streets to begin with. Most homeless are either incapable and or unwilling to do anything else, and regardless of said unwillingness, or hostility one might harbor at the world which keeps them "stuck" in life, they still have to eat, they still have habits to maintain, and they are still people- people just trying to survive the only way they know, or are willing to know, how. I look back and have tremendous compassion for that young man who resorted to stealing. Regardless of my choice to live on the street, the toll of depravity, degradation, and dysmorphic heartache it took on my soul was monumental. Monumental to the point where a part of me forever died. People often emphasize horrific experiences or tremendous amounts of pain by proclaiming, "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy." Well, if we were at war, I absolutely would wish that on my worst enemy. Its debilitating, humiliating, and embarrassing, to say the least. If you have ever experienced it, you know far too well. Don't feel sorry for me, don't feel anything for me. But, do me a favor. Next time you see the homeless man or women on the corner, remove all your pre conceived notions, prejudice, and opinions you harbor for them, and observe them for who they are- someone's Son, Daughter, Father, Mother, or friend. Envision your Son, Mother, Father, Daughter, or Friend, standing on that corner, dirty, grimy and ashamed. Insert some humanity into your thoughts. If the world would do this in all walks of life, we would be so much happier, kind, and content. Don't worry though, I'm not crossing my fingers or holding my breath.

For the record, I returned to Wal-Mart and made amends for the harm I caused, as part of my 12 step journey. I successfully completed the 12 steps, and now sponsor alcoholics and drug addicts like myself who are and were struggling like I once was. Through this I have found redemption, healing, and the stark realization that now everything I have been through ceases to be in vain.